On Being Seen
The carriage was nearly empty — one of those afternoons when I embark on my weekly unplanned meanderings. People were flowing in and out between different stations. A heavily pregnant lady got into the carriage at one of the stops. I was busy making a note of a sight that caught my attention earlier in the day, a heron basking on the treetop. A handwritten message suddenly appeared in front of me. It was a request to buy a magazine for two quids. I looked at the lady and apologised as I wasn’t carrying any cash.
I felt so distraught about the whole situation. Our eyes met for a brief minute; there was a non-verbal exchange between us. I hoped that she understood me. She nodded her head and moved on. While I was figuring out how to help, the lady hurriedly got off at the next step. I couldn’t help but think of the lady throughout my journey. There were hardly 7–8 commuters in my carriage. Out of which, only two of us “saw” her. I don’t blame the others as it wasn’t the best of places to seek support. But I have been thinking about the feeling of being seen and acknowledged.
I could see a story of strife and struggle in that lady’s face as she moved around the carriage. While everyone is living their stories, the gift of being seen is priceless. It sure doesn’t solve all problems, but it bestows a beautiful feeling. I resigned and reflected if I was losing this ability that my parents have carefully nurtured in me since childhood.
The privilege and gift of being seen, heard and accepted is a vital life force for our human existence. Be it, family, work, close relationships, communities or the world, everyone wants to be seen for who they are and acknowledged as a part of this world that we share.
There is a greeting in Zulu that embodies this feeling, called Sawubona. It means “I see you, and I bring you into being by seeing you.” We sure cannot solve everybody’s problems but connecting through a gesture of presence and acknowledgement provides comfort that feels like a warm cup of coffee/tea on a cold winter day. It opens up a space to pause and regain strength in those seemingly small momentary exchanges.
Another beautiful scene is from the movie Avataar when the Na’vi people greet, saying, “Oel Ngati kame.” It means “ I see you”. Neytiri and Jake Sully say that to each other. Even though it is fictional, it is what lovers and partners need from each other. Life will never be perfect. There will be thousands of differences, but being seen acts like a thread that binds them together despite the differences.
I am not perfect, and there are times when I unsee things intentionally. In the busyness of life, it is easy to fail to notice the very life that surrounds us. We choose what is worth seeing — the messages people read and decide to ignore, the lonely girl on the park bench, the struggling once upon a time dear friend, the acquaintance trying to start a conversation, the poodle who is eyeing for attention, the employee who wants to say something. Most of us have our blinders on all the time. We choose to stop and see during rare moments of rest and stillness. Some of life’s greatest moments shine through when one uses this underutilised ability to see, especially if used for our fellow human beings. One of the best ways to hone the art of seeing is to spend time in nature without any distractions and observe it closely. I can assure you that you will start noticing the smallest of insects, flowers and the ways of nature. The lens of seeing will slowly expand beyond the usual. One starts seeing and offering presence to nature and the people who frequent these paths. The kaleidoscope in mind becomes adept at seeing and changing frames. Life starts changing as one practices the art. It envelopes and helps gain perspective in all areas of life.
I wish that we see more of everything that exists in our world. This blog is a reminder for me to hold on to the ability to see even when people and situations are difficult.
To see, acknowledge and offer presence, albeit for a tiny moment, out of our busy lives is the greatest offering we can provide to each other in these times.
PS: The blog was first published on my personal site.
